______ walks into a bar.....

[dodgechargerfan]

Post your favourites or just any you know.

I'll start.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk in to a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

 

[Dr.Jass]

A blonde walks into a bar... the brunette and redhead walking with her ducked.

 

[340EH]

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator and puts it up on the bar. He says to the bartender

"For a beer I'll show you one of the most dangerous stunts you've ever witnessed!!!"

The bartender's curiousity gets the better of him and puts a glass up on the bar for the guy. The gator owner takes an empty beer bottle off the bar and bops the gator on the head with it; the gator opens its mouth exposing rows of razor sharp teeth. The owner then procedes to take out his wedding tackle and place it in the gators mouth and the gator slowly closes it's jaws. Just before the gator bites the jewels right off he hits it on the head again with the bottle and it opens it's mouth again. The bar is quiet in awe of this animal spectacle, now the gator owner says,

"I'll buy a pitcher of beer for anyone in this bar who is brave enough to try that!"

He looks around the bar at all the tough guys and bikers, not a single taker even the bouncers seem reluctant to make eye contact. Finally from the back of the bar a spindly little pale arm rises up. it's attached to a pretty blonde girl and she says"

wait for it...

I'll give it a try if you promise not to hit me with the bottle!

 

[340EH]

A duck walks into a bar and asks for some chapstick. The bartender starts to tell the duck they don't have any chapstick then realizes the duck has no clothes on. Wondering where the duck is hiding his money the bartender says "How you gonna pay for this chapstick?"

The duck says "I figured I'd just put it on my bill."

 

[340EH]

A guy walks into a bar and orders three shots; one tequila, one sambucca and a shot of Jack and pays with a nice fresh 50 dollar bill.

As he starts knocking back the shots the bartender says "what are we celebrating?"
the guy barely looks up from the shots and mumbles "My first blowjob!"
The bartender says "Congratulations let me give you one on the house!"
the guy says "No thanks if these three don't get that taste out of my mouth nothing will."

 

[340EH]

A guy walks into a bar in a suit and orders two shots of rye.

bartender says "how about a double?"

"Nope I promised Steve on his death bed I'd have a drink for him every time I went to the bar so one is for him and one is for me. Today was Steve's funeral, I'm sorry, but it's gotta be two glasses."

batender says "fair enough."

for the next few months the guy comes in pretty regularly every time ordering two shots of rye in two glasses, then one day he comes in and orders a shot of rye.

bartender says "What about your dead buddy Steve?"

The man says "Well my doctor says I've been drinking too much so I have to cut down."

Bartender says "So you're not drinking one for your buddy anymore even though you made an oath on his death bed?"

The man says "Oh no this one is for Steve, I'm on the wagon."

 

[Stretch]

A Indian walks into his best friends bar and takes his usual seat, and strikes up his dally conversation with his buddy the bar tender. The bar tender goes into the stock room and a gay man walks in the door and up to the Indian and offeres him a blow job!

The Indian, who has never been in any sort of fight what so ever jumps up and beets the gay man senseless. The bar tender hears the scuffle, rushes out of the back room, brakes up the fight, and sends the gay man on his way.

He looks at his Indian friend and asks, "What the hell was that all about?' "Ive known you my entire life and have never seen you raise your voice let alone fight!" His Indian buddy looks him in the eye, wipes the sweet from his brow and sayes, "That Son Of a Bitch offered me some sort of job!"

 

[Dr.Jass]

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...