What do you do?

Dr.Jass

Dr.Jass

Pastor of Muppets
I just found out that a friend of mine's son killed himself.

I have no idea what to say to this man. I've known him as long as long as I've been able to recognize people. His father and my father were best friends. I swam in their pool when I was a child. He and his brothers gave me my first job in auto parts way back in May of 1987. I worked for them for 15 months and have always been on good terms with them.

I want to call him, but I have absolutely no idea what to say. I really want to volunteer my services as an unpaid counterman so he and his brothers can take the time they need, but how do I even approach that? I've dealt with a number of suicides, but never that of my own child. I can't imagine what's happening in his head.

I know, it's depressing but I need advice here.
 
Sorry to hear this Doc. Just call him and say you're there for him in whatever capacity he needs. I think he would accept that and if he needs the helping hand he will know that you are there for his family.
 
I called and a family friend answered the phone... I tried to explain myself, but it was tough through the crying. She took my name and number, and told me she'd let them know I called and what I'd offered to do. I really hope they take me up on this because I know it's going to take time. I'm unemployed so it's not like I'm doing anything better anyhow.

I so fucking hate this. I'm wiping tears as I post this.
 
I agree-make the offer, and then let them come to you if they want to. Just incomprehensible what they must be going through.
 
Yeah, I'd be hard pressed to know what to say in a much lesser situation. Never mind something so gut wrenching.

Offering up your time might be the ticket to one less thing for them to worry about and could amount to a huge relief for them. Good idea. I hope they take you up on it.
 
I'm speachless. I too have known that family for years. I just don't have words!
 
I'm hoping they call me back, but if I know those guys they're going to probably (literally) work through it.
 
for some ppl hard work is the cure that works for them....i understand that quite well...if you work hard enuf you can clear your head of everything but work...and if you work long and hard enuf youll be too tired to think when you get home..rinse and repeat for the next morning....im not going to say its right or wrong but ive done it myself ...and it does work

is there any way you can just show up instead of calling?....its a little more "personal" in a hard situations and more often than not says more than saying anything at all
 
When my Dad passed away, I went back to work the day after the funeral. It was a distraction that kept my mind from concentrating too hard on the loss. It really helped, but this situation is so out-of-hand I can't imagine anything helping much.

The night after my father died, this young man's uncle stopped by my Mom's house. He fell apart at the front door. My Mom and I actually had to comfort him. That's how close our Dads were.
 
I too came right back to work after Tiffy was killed. It wasnt easy by any means. Loads of people called to ask what happened and to ask about Mike. All of that was tough to deal with but it kept me busy and perhaps kept some of those calls from hitting mike.
 
God bless the family. I just can't fathom any of this. He was a funny, personable kid... we used to joke a lot when I needed something from their parts store, or he was sent to mine to pick something up, particularly if we knew we were delivering store-brand stuff to our respective customers. My across-the-street competition always felt like family to me, and I spent many happy hours working for them back in the '80s. I remember when his parents got married, for God's sake.
 
I'm having a hard time wraping my head around that myself Jass! He was always fun to joke with when he came here. He is very wiity as a mater of fact! Hell, we expected to give each other shit when he walked in. He was fun loving and just a good kid. He always showed respect at the same time. The banter was always clean and reserved in the office but more "colorfull" in the shop when we were out of the customers earshot. Ryan was a damn fine kid! I'm going to miss him. I pray Terry remembers to lean on the Lord through all of this. He'll need to.
 
I've always felt it is better to offer a specific form of help rather than the "call me if you need anything". Makes it easier for them to take you up on it.
 
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