XLR8R
exhalted master of his nuts
>A man comes into the ER and yells, My wife's going to have her baby in the
>cab! " I grabbed my
>stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
>off her underwear. Suddenly I
>noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's
>anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
>remorsefully replied the patient.
>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive
>myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
>to the rest of the family
>that he had died of a massive internal fart."
>Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
>placed the patient twenty
>feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He
>read the 20/20 line perfectly.
>Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was
>silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
>discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
>with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
>informed me, his doctor,
>that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I
>asked. The patch. The nurse
>told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I' m running out of
>places to put it!"
>I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
>the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
>removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
>Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
>have you been bed-ridden?"
>After a look of complete confusion she answered . Why, not for about twenty
>years when my husband was alive."
>Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>
>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast
>this morning?"
>It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to
>the taste," the patient replied.
>I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
>"KY Jelly."
>Dr.Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>
>And Finally . . . .
>A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
>female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed
>a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was
>performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed
>him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
>tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was
>'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
>(anonymous doctor)
>cab! " I grabbed my
>stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
>off her underwear. Suddenly I
>noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's
>anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
>remorsefully replied the patient.
>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive
>myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
>to the rest of the family
>that he had died of a massive internal fart."
>Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
>placed the patient twenty
>feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He
>read the 20/20 line perfectly.
>Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was
>silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
>discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
>with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
>informed me, his doctor,
>that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I
>asked. The patch. The nurse
>told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I' m running out of
>places to put it!"
>I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
>the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
>removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
>Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
>have you been bed-ridden?"
>After a look of complete confusion she answered . Why, not for about twenty
>years when my husband was alive."
>Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>
>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast
>this morning?"
>It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to
>the taste," the patient replied.
>I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
>"KY Jelly."
>Dr.Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>
>And Finally . . . .
>A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
>female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed
>a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was
>performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed
>him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
>tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was
>'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
>(anonymous doctor)
