71dusterman
Well-known member
The real Ontario Driver's Handbook
For anyone who has commuted or even just driven on the 401 through
Toronto , the 2008 version of the Ontario Driver's Handbook has been
rewritten to include the following guidance:
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario
driver avoids using them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between
you and the car in front of you; the space will just be filled in by
somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance
you have of getting hit.
4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No-one
expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive
bodywork, especially with P.Q. or Maritime plates. With no fault insurance,
the other operator has nothing to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal
violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
strengthen your leg muscles.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a
good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; they are given only as a
suggestion and are not enforceable in Ontario during rush hour, especially
in the G.T.A..
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up
or move over doesn't mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams
behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ontario is the home
of high-speed slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Public Works,
which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep
them alert.
12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of
you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.
13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or roll-over, it is
important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing
your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead
of the pack by whatever means necessary.
THANK YOU
The Ontario Registrar of Motor Vehicles
For anyone who has commuted or even just driven on the 401 through
Toronto , the 2008 version of the Ontario Driver's Handbook has been
rewritten to include the following guidance:
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario
driver avoids using them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between
you and the car in front of you; the space will just be filled in by
somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance
you have of getting hit.
4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No-one
expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive
bodywork, especially with P.Q. or Maritime plates. With no fault insurance,
the other operator has nothing to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal
violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
strengthen your leg muscles.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a
good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; they are given only as a
suggestion and are not enforceable in Ontario during rush hour, especially
in the G.T.A..
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up
or move over doesn't mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams
behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ontario is the home
of high-speed slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Public Works,
which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep
them alert.
12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of
you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.
13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or roll-over, it is
important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing
your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead
of the pack by whatever means necessary.
THANK YOU
The Ontario Registrar of Motor Vehicles
Ever seen her drive?