I don't want to seem ......

C.M.F.

C.M.F.

Can't Make Friends
like I'm on a soapbox or anything, but here's a sad story. Back on November 5th at 9:15 am, a car accident occurred about a quarter mile from my house. Involved in the accident were three teenagers. The driver was a seventeen year old male, and the passengers were a seventeen year old girl and a fifteen year old girl.
The accident happened when the vehicle came over the top of a hill on a side road travelling at a high rate of speed. The driver lost control, slid sideways through a yard, and into the woods. Backwards. The fifteen year old girl was in the back seat, not wearing her seat belt. After the car struck the last tree and stopped, the fifteen year old was ejected out the back window. She was bleeding very badly from the wounds received from the glass, and shortly after, lost the battle for her life. The driver and other passenger walked away bruised, but alive.
The teens were at a party the night before and were on their way home. The driver apparently had enough alcohol in his system yet, and was arrested.
While I feel terrible for the parents of the boy, and still have major sympathy for the deceased girls' family, I can't seem to shake the feeling of helplessness I had for my sister-in-law. Misty had lost her best friend, her surrogate sister, her soccer teammate, and volleyball teammate, all in the blink of an eye. There was nothing I could do.
Kelly and I have been there for her and her best friend. We took them to movies, they spent the weekend at our house, Kelly even drove them to the soccer games to Green Bay and back weekly. She was as much a part of our family as Misty is. We all lost someone special. In as much as we could provide for those kids, this was devastating. I could do nothing to fix this.
If I could have given everything in the world up at that moment just to take away the hurt and pain from Misty, I would have. That was a reality check.

Here's the soapbox..........


Parents...... Talk to your kids!!! Be in their lives, ask them questions, be the annoying, prying people we should be! Piss them off with the "where the Hell were you" speech. Parents should know where their children are at all times. That is a difficult task these days since sports consume most of their time and kids don't feel they can't talk to us. Try to keep the lines of communication open and let them know the door is always open.

I hear all the time, the worst thing a parent has to do is bury their child. I sympathize for all parents who have. I hope a tragedy like this doesn't have to happen just to bring families together.




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jeez too close, reality shit like this sucks, they just planted a kid who ran into a train here, all the kids are euligizing him with shoe paint but they won't buy into "street racing, dope, alcohol" don't mix not to mention the poor driver of the train , kid hit the second engine.
 
this may sound bad but kids need to learn earlyer in life for there poor actions...i see more and more parrents every day who dont keep there kids in line...wich result in kids doing extra stupid shit...the one who are kept in line and allowed to learn from there mistakes dont repeat them

most of us grew up when doing something like sticking something in an outlet or light socket would have left our parrents laughing at us...where today kids arnt alowed to learn that experiance...we may see this as a small thing but small things contribute to the best learning
 
As a kid myself my father could have really cared less. His booze buddies were more important than I was. Mom tried but she too kinda faded a bit. Not to say my parents totally neglected me but I was free to make some PRETTY STUPID mistakes and by all rights from a few of them I should not even be typing this! I was lucky that I survived some of the things I did and was able to learn my lessons on my own through the fear that was induced by such actions. I agree, parents NEED to be the "assholes" from time to time. For the disclipine I DID recieve I am very grateful for....the abuse.....ok well that was uncalled for btu dad was drunk...no excuse and him and I have since buried those hatchets over a few beers and alot of tearful heart to hearts. Shame to see todays kids running so rampant with NO regard for authority, disclipine or the consequences of THEIR actions!! Really makes me wanna slap a few of them around myself in hopes they may get the point that not everything goes their way and they don't always get what they want. Now I will admit I was a horrible little shit as a kid but the crap I see todays kids pull and feel nothing for...I don't really feel sorry for them ONE bit! Their actions, their consequences, they gotta deal with it and I hope it opens a few of their eyes but I some how doubt it with todays generation of teens/ young adults. :doubt:


*EDIT* and yes I blame rap music right along side the parents for the majority of it!!!!!:mad::mad:
 
Yeah, I've definetly learned from my parents. My mom's been in and out of jail (and prison) because of drinking and driving for most my life, but now she's going on 3+ years sober and I thank god every day for that. I know my limit, and even when i start drinking I make sure to not touch my keys, ever.
 
Sorry to hear that CMF, there was a 15 year old that was drunk, running from the cops around here, they almost had him before he made it to the Walt Whitman (I think) bridge, but he made it to the middle, got out of his car and jumped off, they think it was so he wouldn't get caught for DWI. His body finally washed up about 2 weeks ago and he jumped at the end of Sept. Stupid is the only way I know how to describe it
 
Sorry to hear that CMF.

I think that's a soapbox that most, if not all, of here would hold steady for anyone who wanted to get up on and say their piece.

I was a lucky kid. I had good parents that taught me well and kept me in line. Sometimes it wasn't necessarily me that was kept in line, It was one of my 6 older siblings. But I still learned from that. For the most part, the made me a decent kid. I think.

I wasn't an angel by any stretch. The police showed up at the house because of me a few times. Mostly, they went away chuckling. Real "boys will be boys" type of stuff.

I think a big difference between the crap we got into back then and the crap that kids get into today has to do with rights and perception. Back then, we knew we were doing something wrong, but it was the adventure and the challenge of trying to get away with it that drove us. Even then, most tended to go only so far and while the things we did were still wrong, they were generally seen as mischievous more than anything else.

Today's kids have been taught that they have rights that protect them from their own parents - even to the point where almost any kind of discipline is actionable. You don't even have to smack the kid. Just yell at him in a way that hurts his feelings - or can be perceived that way and your ass is grass if the kid knows the system at all. The kids know that. When they think of something to do to push the boundaries, they are less inhibited. It goes beyond just trying to get away with it. It goes right into, "I can do whatever I want and there's not a f*cking thing you can do about it." It might start out small, but it can snowball real quick.

Why just swipe a chocolate bar from the candy store when you can walk in with a gun and take the money out of the register. Hey, I'm only 12. What are they gonna do to me? Oh did I mention my dad beats me?

Now, don't get all upset about that last comment. I don't mean to say that kids that get beat are running out to rob convenience stores. I'm saying the nasty little feckers that ARE out robbing the convenience stores are throwing that out as an excuse whether it's true or not. More likely it's not true because they've figured out that that's how you play the system.


I think CMF has the right idea though. Stay in your kids' faces. Keep on top of what they're doing and where they are. Tell them that you're doing it because you care about their safety and more importantly when they make a good call on something, tell them you're proud and say why.

I usually say something along the lines of, "You did what you did because you're smart enough to know that this an that is wrong. Right?"

It gives me a chance to tell them what I think is right a wrong without being accusatory. I can do the same thing unprompted by any event now. I just say that I think something is wrong and what I think is the right way to deal with it and follow up with "but you know that already, Right?"

It works.
 
Bloody shame and sorry to hear of it DCF. I know its no consolation but this has being going on since kids discovered alcohol and cars. Bloody waste of life and tears apart lives for those that remain behind. I lost several good friends when I was in school to the same thing, and now am going through my kids witnessing the same thing. Three very nice kids lost to booze and cars in the last 4 years.
 
Yep you are so right DCF, the way the system works now is if you had any sort of rough life you can't be held resposible for your own actions no matter what you've done. Most of the juvenile delinquints that are robbing stores and that sort of thing probaby have never met their dad.

My kids are 8,7 & 4. I am trying to teach them to be responsible for their own actions and all that sorta stuff without trying to make them grow up too fast. I did all the mischievous stuff, and had the police at the house a few times along with an a** whippin afterward made me a better person I think
 
I hear ya CMF, got grandkids that I see just about every day, always want to help teach them the things about life that can effect them for the rest of their lives but it's hard to do without causing a tiff with my daughter or son. You know how it is, the parents already know everything and the grandparents can't say much without getting the "I know Dad!" It's a fine line in my case but parents could learn a lot from their own parents if they'd remember that we've already made this trip with them. We've already made the mistakes and the only way to learn from our parents is to listen to them if they want to help. Grandparents can also go too far and try to rule the roost so to speak, fine line there too. Just my thoughts on this, I deal with this almost every day and I need to be vawry vawry cawrful when it comes to this.
Thanks for sharing, very important information that all parents need to be much more aware of. :2thumbs:
 
I thank all of you for the support, and I hope these thoughts stay with us and not just get put on the back burner. We just left the kids alone at the house for the weekend. So far, when we left SAturday afternoon, the 12 year old was watching a movie. Turns oot he got bored (lonely) and called my brother for some companionship. My brother picked up Anthony and they watched movies and had dinner for him. That is the true testament of two families supporting each other. That is what I like!!

Stay true to you and stay strong with your values...
 
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