Bear in a bar

[Halifax Hops]

A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer
Bartender: We do not serve bears in this bar
Bear asks for a beer again
Bartender: We do not serve bears in this bar
So he asks once more and says if I do not get a beer I will eat that woman at the end of the bar.
Bartender: We do not serve bears in this bar
Bear just tears into her then askes for a beer again
Bartender says we do not serve drug addict in this bar either
Bear is confused he says what do you mean by that?







Bartend: THAT WAS A BARBITCHYOUATE!

 

[Dr.Jass]

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

 

[dodgechargerfan]

A bear walks into a bar.​

The bartender asks, "Waddya have there, big fella?"
The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer."
The bartender says" What's with the big pause?"
The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

 

[dodgechargerfan]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"

The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"

The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

 

[dodgechargerfan]

So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less.

The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."

 

[dodgechargerfan]

@Halifax Hops, you've created a monster.

 

[dodgechargerfan]

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:

"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."

 

[dodgechargerfan]

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

I don't think I am. the horse replies.

*poof*

The horse disappears.

This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .

But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

 

[dodgechargerfan]

A man walks into a bar and it's empty – it's just him and the bartender.

He sits down and orders a drink.

After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, Pssst… I like your tie.

The man looks around but doesn't see anyone.

Pssst… that color looks nice on you.

He asks the bartender, Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?

The bartender rolls his eyes and says, No, sorry about that. It's the peanuts… they're complimentary.

 

[dodgechargerfan]

It's a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It's a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.

 

[Dr.Jass]

DCF might be the only one who appreciates this.

After a U2 concert, The Edge goes to a bar.
Bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The Edge says nothing for 30 seconds, then: "A beer."
The bartender asks, "What's up with the delay?"

 

[Dr.Jass]

Two blondes walk into a bar.

The brunette ducked.