Fishy
Omnipotent Seaweasel
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use
timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and ! you will
forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. (I felt the same way after joining here! :shifty: :bwuhaha: )
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
Warning: Spelling errors in this message are the product of a poor school
system. Pay teachures more than athletes.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use
timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and ! you will
forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. (I felt the same way after joining here! :shifty: :bwuhaha: )
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
Warning: Spelling errors in this message are the product of a poor school
system. Pay teachures more than athletes.
Last edited:
Ironically I have no idea how to weld:shifty:
