Fishy
Omnipotent Seaweasel
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a
coma!
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in
Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below
is a e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2
FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a "worst job experience"
contest. Needless to say, she won.
"Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make
you realize it's not so bad after all.
"Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must
bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This
time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is
this:
We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a
garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn
good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do,
when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it
down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt
started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things
worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
"The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped
it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the
jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was
actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed
the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
"His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with
five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted
the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water
decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could
reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I
arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I
climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as
soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't
poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time
you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. "Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
"And whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: is this a
"jellyfish bad" day?"
coma!
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in
Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below
is a e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2
FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a "worst job experience"
contest. Needless to say, she won.
"Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make
you realize it's not so bad after all.
"Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must
bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This
time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is
this:
We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a
garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn
good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do,
when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it
down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt
started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things
worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
"The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped
it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the
jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was
actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed
the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
"His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with
five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted
the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water
decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could
reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I
arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I
climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as
soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't
poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time
you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. "Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
"And whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: is this a
"jellyfish bad" day?"
