71dusterman
Well-known member
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS</B>
(or the uncertainty of the English language)</U></B
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?</B>
"Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"</B>
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"</B>
The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
</B>--------------------------------------------------------
- "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"</B>"
That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."</B>
---------------------------------------------------------</B> A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said , "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
</B>"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids".</B>-----------------------------------------------------------</B>
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
</B>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you".
</B>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."</B>
----------------------------------------------------------</B>
Two Reason s Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.</B>
1. The DNA all matches.</B>
2. There are no dental records.</B>-------- --------------------------------------------------</B>
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"</B>
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."</B>"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.</B>
----------------------------------------------------------</B> Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.</B>
"How was he killed?" asked one det ective.</B>
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.</B>
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."</B>
-----------------------------------------------------------</B> Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."</B>
Joe: "Really?"</B>
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."</B>
----------------------------------------------------------</B> A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.</B>
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.</B>
"What did he say," asked the nurse.</B>
"OOPS"</B> ------------------------------------------------------------</B>
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.</B>
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"</B>
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."</B>
He's still in intensive care.
</B>
(or the uncertainty of the English language)</U></B
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?</B>
"Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"</B>
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"</B>
The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
</B>--------------------------------------------------------
- "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"</B>"
That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."</B>
---------------------------------------------------------</B> A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said , "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
</B>"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids".</B>-----------------------------------------------------------</B>
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
</B>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you".
</B>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."</B>
----------------------------------------------------------</B>
Two Reason s Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.</B>
1. The DNA all matches.</B>
2. There are no dental records.</B>-------- --------------------------------------------------</B>
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"</B>
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."</B>"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.</B>
----------------------------------------------------------</B> Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.</B>
"How was he killed?" asked one det ective.</B>
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.</B>
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."</B>
-----------------------------------------------------------</B> Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."</B>
Joe: "Really?"</B>
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."</B>
----------------------------------------------------------</B> A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.</B>
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.</B>
"What did he say," asked the nurse.</B>
"OOPS"</B> ------------------------------------------------------------</B>
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.</B>
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"</B>
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."</B>
He's still in intensive care.
</B>
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